托福独立作文中的个人例子怎么展开

发布时间：2018-01-17 14:44:08 已帮助：353人 来源：苏州三立在线培训学校

  相信大家对这两句话并不陌生：

  1. Usespecific reasons and examples to support your answer.
  2. Use clearly appropriate explanations, exemplifications, and/or details.
  托福句经常出现在独立写作题干的最后一句，第二句则是独立写作评分标准的第二条。可见在独立写作中，例子占据一定的比重，写一个走心的好例子，有时候是我们提分的关键。
  例子分很多种，有个人例子、名人例子、调查研究，还有排比论证。相对来说，个人例子比较容易把握。
  平时在同学们的作业中，我会经常遇到各种各样不走心的例子。我们来分析一个写法：
  要论证：Doing part-time jobs can help university students earn pocket money.
  [学生原稿]For example, once I took a part time job and earned a lot of money. With this money, I bought many things I like. That made me very happy.
  这个例子论证无效，缺乏足够的细节，说服力不足，往往很难得分。那么如何改善呢?
  首先，我们将原文中表示时间的once描述的再具体一些，比如last summer/when I was a freshman;其次，将a part-time job具体化，比如在星巴克或者学校旁边的一家餐馆做服务生;再者，关于a lot of money，可以避开精确的数字，给到several thousand yuan，以及怎么花掉了这部分钱，比如买了自己最喜欢的吉他，都可以添加细节描述;在例子的最后结尾处，可以从自己的感受出发，比如表示自己因为做兼职赚了零花钱感到很开心，呼应主题句，重新点题。

  我们来看完善后的版本：

  For example, this summer I took a part time job as a waiter in a local restaurant near my university. Two months later, I earned about four thousand yuan. With that sum of money, I bought a beautiful guitar and for the following few months, it will be unnecessary for me to ask my parents for pocket money any more. The experience of earning money from doing part-time jobs really made me happy.
  这样的例子在细节的描述上更加饱满，条理更清晰，因此也更具有说服力，当然能赢来考官为你打call啦。
  再给同学们看一个例子：
  要论证：Watching TV for a long time does harm to children’s eyesight.
  [学生原稿]For example, because I used to watch TV for a long time, I got nearsighted and finally I had to wear glasses.
  [完善后的例子]For example, when I was in primary school, I liked watching TV very much. I remember once I was addicted to the famous cartoon Tom and Jerry, which was quite popular at that time. It was so fascinating that I often sat in front of the television for more than 2 hours every day. Finally, about two months later I realized I got nearsighted since I could not see clearly the formulas my teacher wrote on the blackboard. At last, I had to wear glasses, which made me feel so uncomfortable that it took me several weeks to get used to it.

  以上，相信同学们对个人例子的细节强调清晰了很多，在此我强调一下展开个人例子时5个注意要点：

  1. 主题相关性：必须扣题并且符合基本逻辑
  比如：?? a little boy once watched TV a lot, and finally he got cancer……
  2. 时间：具体到某年
  比如 last year/when I was seven years old/when I was in primary school;
  3. 地点：给到具体地方，并附加一定解释
  比如this summer I learned TOEFL at New Oriental, which is specialized in English training;
  4. 特定名词：不管具体或抽象，给到名称及描述
  比如提到website，以www.superlearn.cn为例，要给到具体的解释：it is a popular website in China and designed by New Oriental to help students practice TOEFL online;
  5. 个人感受：事件对个人的影响，一般做为总结
  比如：it was a great experience to practice TOEFL on SuperLearn。
  细节是写个人例子的关键，我们对细节的追求，就是对分数的追求。希望大家可以从本文中获得思路，结合练习，追求细节，顺利夺取目标成绩!

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